Marnia Robinson's blog presents a fascinating look at the ramifications of getting hooked on the highs of intense chemistry. This book describes how we now are so far removed from a true sexual experience when we are having sex… we focus on the end goal — orgasm. That peak experience needs to be relegated to distant storage so you can focus on discovering unique sexual pleasures within your full-featured relationship without unfair comparators. Blatant cues come from messages about attractiveness from your culture, popular media, family and peers that you receive all your life. Not to be confused for a strong physical attraction to someone which is based on your personal preference. A book called The Centerfold Syndrome captures this caveat well, though it was written before the Internet changed the dating and porn landscape drastically. In this situation it would have been healthier to bask in the delicious feelings of arousal without acting on them until you learned much more about each other's personalities, characters and life situations. And what does one do when the sexual energy is unwanted?
I will have a whole post dedicated to this because there so much to be said but I urge you to begin researching! Sexual energy can be beautifully channeled for spiritual development, creativity and over all well being. Lovemaking in any serious relationship now falls short of this impossible-to-repeat standard so you keep breaking up with people who could be excellent mates, but can't compete with your brightly lit sexual memory. First, if you are really hungry for love when lust comes along you become more prone to fantasizing a relationship where none exists because your unmet relational needs cause you to selectively interpret reality. In my practice I work with individuals on identifying and managing the contradictory values they have about sex that interfere with healthy relationship decisions. You read more into a pure lust thing than is really there. And what does one do when the sexual energy is unwanted? The same study showed that women who had conflicted sexual self-concepts and drank alcohol before sex in their real lives were more likely to believe that they had been coerced after a hypothetical consensual sexual encounter than those who drank before sex but had congruent sexual self-concepts. Whatever you wanna call it! You get hooked on repeated highs of impersonal sex with a particular physical type masturbatory or with a partner , which hinder you from finding real intimacy in a long-term love relationship. Sex is just one expression of sexual energy. Marnia Robinson's blog presents a fascinating look at the ramifications of getting hooked on the highs of intense chemistry. The size, shape or ethnicity of the explicit object of desire gets seared into memory. Two situations make people especially vulnerable to this distortion. Now the question becomes what do you do with it? Extreme imprints that begin like this partially explain some paraphilias such as fetishes and voyeurism. The first people and things that generated a strong arousal response in you when you were a child leave sensory imprints that are triggered when similar ones show up in your adult life. When your calls aren't returned you make excuses because "the chemistry was so strong! Sex talk, research and fun. Tantric sex is tapping into your sexual energy, learning how to be conscious of it, feel it and ride that wave! Ambivalence and Sexual Mixed Signaling: But what shapes your "type"? Blatant cues come from messages about attractiveness from your culture, popular media, family and peers that you receive all your life. In my next post I'll talk about the good, the bad and the ugly of love relationships that begin with intense emotional chemistry and how to know if they will lead to growth or disaster. When it comes to unwanted energy, straight up you gotta block that shit!
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